With moving across the country, figuring out how to care for the babies, being away from all family, having hubs get used to a completely different and very hectic schedule at the hospital, etc. etc. etc. I felt like every day I started about 10 steps behind. Or 20. Or 30. It just really depends.
I was reminiscing about the last six months of last year. June 2013 was the first time my blog made more income than my day job.
I felt like I was on fire.
My work ethic was so extreme, so unstoppable. I was coming home from my job and sitting my butt down at my desk and not getting up until midnight or 1 in the morning. I had such big goals for working for myself, such big plans for my business.
Now, after getting up with the kids at around 5 or 6 in the morning, I have a battle with myself every day. Should I go back to sleep and be a functioning human for the day or should I chug two cups of coffee and try to write while they sleep a few more hours? I regret to say that 99% of the time, sleep wins. And it’s really starting to show, at least to me.
I want to get back to that place, back to the point where I was so excited, so motivated, so completely insane for working that many hours.
I think the reason I worked so hard back then was because I had a huge goal. I wanted to work for myself, and I knew I had to make a certain income to make that possible. All of you were following along on the journey, rooting for me, and many of you wanted to do the same thing.
Now I’m there – doing what so, so many people also want to do: staying at home with my kids and working at the same time.
It was my ultimate goal, the ultimate dream – being happy and fulfilled professionally all while getting to stare into the twins’ beautiful little faces and read Dr. Seuss in increasingly ridiculous voices.
But I wouldn’t be a good role model for all of you if I didn’t share that I am struggling with this change.
Every day I wake up and the twins seem bigger. They are smiling more and being so adorable and I don’t want to miss any of it. But then, as I’m making bottles and checking my phone, the e-mails are rolling in. “Did you see my last message, Cat?” “Cat, we want to interview you for our new site.” “Cat, we have this great product we think your readers will love.” “Cat, we love your writing. What are your rates? We’d like you to blog for us.”
And I want to do every single one of those things and answer every e-mail quickly. So then my attention gets pulled away as I try to type back but then the babies start crying because I was supposed to have their bottles ready 5 minutes before and they are hungry, hungry, hungry. What’s worse is they make little tears now that fall down their faces when they cry and it’s so sad! *deep breath*
So, the reality is I need to find a way to get a little more balance.
And I need to find a way to make more money. And find the balance to find the time to make more money.
What should I do, readers? What’s the secret? For once, I’m asking you for advice and not giving it….