I think we all have those periods in our lives where we look back and think, “How did I do that?”
I think I am in the midst of one of those right now, like if I stop long enough to actually think about what’s going on, I might just start hysterically crying so instead I just keep really busy.
I really did envision something better for the first few weeks of the twins’ life. I didn’t want them to have to spend two weeks in the NICU or two weeks with their parents stressed as all get out while we tried to find a new place to live and move clear across the country with only 17 days of notice.
Not only that but I’m still recovering from my c-section and getting used to being a new mom and still trying to work since Budget Blonde and all the writing jobs it has helped me secure is our primary income. So, there’s been a lot of pressure for me to keep things afloat. Sure, we have medical school loans from the hubs but anyone who knows me understands that I’m trying to rely on them as little as possible.
Of course, during my three day drive from Louisiana to New Jersey with the 6 week old twins in the car, I start having technical issues with the blog – and when there’s technical issues, income drops. It’s nothing you can see from the outside while reading this post, but definitely something that needed to be addressed immediately. Except that I couldn’t because I was stuck in a car for three days with only my iPhone…and then we have unpacking to do…
When we got to New Jersey, the hubs had to go to work pretty much immediately and of course, his first day gone is the day that my daughter decides to cry nonstop for hours with a smattering of my son crying in between just to keep things interesting. Luckily my aunt was here with me and another sweet friend dropped in to help otherwise I think I might have found a big rock to go hide under and not come out.
I try to be super positive on this blog all the time, but this is real life and it is what it is. I know that things will get better, that I’ll get used to New Jersey, that I’ll find a kitchen table for some awesome price somewhere, and that I’ll somehow find the time to actually keep working at this blogging job that I busted my butt to create.
When I feel like I’m on the brink of tears, when I wonder why I wanted to work from home so badly when it seems nearly impossible, I just remind myself that I have two healthy babies, a really good and solid marriage, and a pretty extreme work ethic to get us through these tough points.
I’m so appreciative of everyone who has helped me during the past six weeks including my parents and in laws who fed us when we couldn’t even think about what to cook, Michelle from Making Sense of Cents who checked my e-mail for me for the entire six weeks, and the 18+ bloggers who took the time to send me guest posts when I had zero time to create my own content.
I still haven’t properly thanked everyone. Hell, I still haven’t finished my thank you notes from my baby shower months ago (which is pretty much a felony in the deep south). And, today was probably the first time I’ve remembered to wash my hair in…um, a while. I suppose it’s a beautiful thing in all it’s madness. Do you think I’ll look back and miss it?