Over the weekend, I got an email from a longtime reader who said she missed hearing about my family and the twins. She felt a little disconnected from me somehow. Where once I used to write about the challenges of motherhood and wrangling kids while building this business, now the blog seemed, well, too business-y.
I admit; I spent a long time thinking about what she said. I talked to my husband about it a lot, and I came to the conclusion that she is right.
Somewhere along the way I got so focused on building this business that I forgot to tell you stuff. I forgot to tell you that my dishwasher, air conditioning, and hot water heater broke in the first week of owning my first ever house.
I forgot to tell you that I really struggled with my move to Michigan. I spent the first few weeks here thinking it was a massive mistake, but now I think everything will be okay.
I’m still suffering with bouts of anxiety and depression that have lingered since having my twins. I thought I had conquered most of it but the move and adjusting to our new pace of life sometimes throws me back down the rabbit hole.
I forgot to tell you that one twin is potty trained now while the other could seem to care less. I also forgot to tell you that it has taken months and months and months to potty train this kid. Oh how I wish I was the mom blogger who could give you advice on how to do this in 3 days. We are not those people.
I didn’t tell you that I had to fire a babysitter after she didn’t show up on a day I had 5 radio interviews in a row. During the last radio interview, I had to lock myself out of my house while my kids banged on the window and cried for me. It was my worst performance of work/life balance ever.
I didn’t tell you that I’m still trying to get used to The Hubs’ new 90 hour a week work residency schedule. Sometimes I sit in my bathroom bathing the kids at night by myself completely exhausted and crying and wondering if this whole med school thing was even worth it.
The transition to residency has been hard on me, hard on hubs, hard on my marriage, hard on the kids, and even hard on the dog. I can see why there are such poor statistics on medical marriages actually lasting through this phase. It’s extraordinarily difficult, and the only way we handle it is to keep talking about how great things will be in the future.
I haven’t told you that I’ve been trying hard to spend time building up my own site instead of writing for so many other clients. I’ve spent countless hours trying different marketing strategies and building new income streams over here on this blog, and some of them have been a flat out failure. I estimate I’ve wasted around $4,000 on stuff that just plain did not work, and it sucks.
Getting new sponsors on this site helps my efforts to grow this blog and spend more time here, but then if I do that too much, the blog comes off as too sponsored. I want you to know I care about my readers a lot and that I still maintain that I don’t promote anything I don’t believe in on here. I also want you to know that running a 7 year old successful blog takes a lot of work and just like TV shows and magazines, sometimes ads help it to stay alive. I am trying to find a better balance though. I hear you and your feedback, and I’m taking note.
Oh, have I told you how tall the twins are? They tower over their little friends who are the same age as them. I’m not surprised since their dad is 6’3″. They love having a back yard too. They love watching the trash truck every week. They love going to the park. They ask about their dad all day long. They miss him, and I miss him.
Have I told you I finally have my own office now? I feel like I have, but I haven’t shown it to you yet. I want to make it beautiful and magazine worthy but I’m also paying $3,000/month in student loan bills, which for the record, is exactly how much The Hubs’ brings in every month. Yay, residency income. But hey, it’s something!
Since 100% of Hubs’ income goes towards student loan payments, that means that my mortgage, food, and all other bills rely on my roller coaster of a business income. I could make $15,000 a month or $2,000 a month, both of which have happened this year. It’s scary, and it keeps me up at night trying to make sure everything stays afloat. Sometimes if I have a phenomenal month, I want to do something like buy a new outfit but I don’t because I don’t know if the next month is going to be bad or not or if someone will forget to pay me.
Given that I have to feed my kids, I’ve been having an extremely frugal 3rd and 4th quarter, trying to curb both business and personal spending to make sure we are okay. I’m happy that I put $50 a month in a Christmas savings account all year and so I have $800 saved for holiday expenses – such a relief.
Overall, I still am hard working and am still committed to what I do, but sometimes I just feel like I could go and work in an office again and it would just be easier…. Then I come downstairs and give my kids a huge hug and kisses in the middle of the day and realize I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Just like you, I’m having good days and bad days. I’m trying to succeed in life but sometimes failing. I yell and scream at my kids just like the rest of you. I go to bed sad sometimes and other times I’m overwhelmed with how lucky I’ve been in life thus far.
This blog has always been a place to share my life, my updates, my dreams, and my family. It’s always been my goal for my readers to have a friend, to know they aren’t alone when they read my words. Sometimes there will be sponsored posts on here, but it’s because this is my job and I’m working with great companies as we together try to spread their message. It’s also my job to inform, entertain, and just be here for all of you.
So please stay here with me as I get back to basics, as I catch all of you up on the things that have been happening here. It’s not perfect and sometimes it’s not pretty, but just as it always has been, it’s very real.